Ah, the joys of learning to be a mother. The last nine weeks have been a to-be-continued quest to find answers to "Why?" Regularly I grill Camden for answers. Unfortunately he's usually asking me the same questions. "Why won't our baby sleep" seems to be the most common inquiry amongst ourselves. I must admit that poor Jarett gets a barrage of questions from me, too. "Why are you crying?" "Why aren't you fat yet like all the other babies around?" Of course, he is of less help than his daddy. And so the days go. Will these questions ever be answered?
I have become an excellent conversationalist with myself. I'm a very good listener. I wonder all the time about why God trusts me with one of His precious children. I don't know what I'm doing! I have the very best of intentions, but sometimes Jarett and I can't scale the language barrier, and we both end up unhappy. Especially in the earlier days of Jarett's life, I asked myself every day, "Why does this have to be SO hard?" But I think I know the answer. Motherhood is about selflessness. It is helping me to become like Christ. The parallels are unmistakable. Jesus gave Himself completely to God and to others. As a mother, I have to do the same: giving my heart, might, mind and strength to God, and my hands to my child.
I've talked with Heavenly Father about being a mom. I know He knows all the answers. And yet the questions I ask Him are markedly different. In fact, they're not really questions at all, as much as expressions of wonder and profound gratitude. In spite of the difficulties, and even now as Jarett is waking up way too early from his nap, I am so very blessed. My cup runneth o'er.
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2 comments:
When I have a million questions like that, I just tell myself that Henry and I are learning together. Neither of us know exactly how this is supposed to go but we'll love each other regardless of difficulties.
And if it makes you feel any better, Henry, at almost 5 months, is the same size as a 2 month old baby I know.
I completely understand all this. I too am also very very good at talking to myself. My life is like an on-going monologue that takes brief pauses when I actually talk to an adult, but then it continues the next morning. haha. And as far as I can tell, we will always be asking those questions. It seems to be getting a little less frustrating though as J gets older, and I don't have to guess SO much. But keep looking on the bright side! You are a great mom!
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